My dearest Fruit Flies a Le Croix,
You are so abundant in the ides of autumn. You appear to be even more abundant in my home. Pourquoi? I have only bananas freshly purchased and hidden in the Kelvinator. I have been suffering from scurvy, in fact, for fear of fueling your infestation. You are fearless and resilient, paying no heed to citronella nor Bayer Advanced. Perhaps the “pest protection” Bayer promises is for your own defense.
With love,
Nicole and Adam
P.S.
Bayer Advanced is not headache medicine, in case you were wondering. It’s the poison I spray in vain to rid you from my desert apartment. Why do you want our space when you can have your outdoors and your rotten garbage and your murky desert puddles? Though I admire your tenacity, I sometimes imagine piercing your little bodies with toothpicks, placing you in the back patio sand so that your kin can think twice about entering our world. But, then again, you only live a few days anyway.
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